Rainy days

After two months of perfect spring weather, I see raindrops again. Since about three days ago, France, or should I say, Paris' sky is covered with grey clouds and eventually rain.

These past weeks has been a very busy ones, as we're almost at the end of academic year, I had to finish lots of papers and, of course, finals. So, eventhough the PC is always turned on and connected to internet, I rarely use it for other thing than reading pdf, typing words, listening to slow 90s musics and to make myself fall asleep: a boring movie.

Have I told you that finding part time job in Paris is not difficult at all? Indeed. Actually, everytime I posted an adv to offer my skills on few sites, I got quite fast responses. And same when I applied to several adv, I got calls to arrange interviews the next day. But, obviously I got problem with self-confidence and it makes me failed in getting all those jobs.

So here I am, looking for jobs again. For now, I am working as a housecleaner for a young couple in Paris 16th. Six hours per week. Not bad at all. Nothing big but help me pay my transport to school. And of course 6 is not enough to pay my rent. So I'm still looking for job. I posted few adv on several sites and got, again, fast responses. So, tomorrow I need to make several calls to make appointment for the interviews.

I hope this will work cause obviously I am tired just going to school and back home everyday. I really want to have at least other things to do besides school.

Some people might say, as an indonesian girl who's studying in Europe, I might have some fortune. But I am not. I don't feel ashamed that I work as a housecleaner or babysitter or other blue-collar jobs but I do feel embarased if I couldn't take care of myself at this age and still hoping for my parents and brother to support me.

This is my life and I am the one who needs to be responsible for it.

How can you mend a broken heart?

I know that my life is miserable when I realize that I had a crush on someone who was lot younger than I am and we never even met and when he told me that he had a girlfriend recently. And what I want to do now is just listening to tearjerker songs. I am so damned.

Maybe. Just maybe
Life ain't that beautiful
Would you stay anyway?

Friendship, Relationship,
Family, Lovers,
You
Us
I

K

Je te hais.
Aujourd'hui.
Sais-tu?
Hein?!

Melati

Jasmin

Le ciel rouge s’étend

Sur les étoiles jaunes

Enflamme de nouveau

Le courage du peuple

Secoue et bascule

Souffles donc ton parfum

Vers le croissant-étoile

Et brises les chaînes noires

Des vingt-quatre souffrances

Ô Jasmin, étales tes pétales

Sur la route de révolution

Entre Pékin et Tunis, Ô

Laissons nous faire tomber le mur

*27 mars 2011*

Addict

From time to time I become an addict of something. This something could be a chocolat-cereal candy bar, some cynical doctor series, some old relay chat application, or even some conversation with almost-stranger intelligent people.

I still remember how I prefer to eat 10 bars of cereal candy bar on a day than any healthy food and NORMAL one to fit my stomach and hunger. I stopped after two weeks. And along with this habit, I used to enjoy spending hours and hours in front of the PC to talk or (literary) type to strangers accros the world. It's kind of freaky if I think about this technology. The fact that someone type something and we can read this something in a matter of seconds. Well, at that time, I just took benefit of it and kept on typing to perfect strangers. It took almost 3 years to be able to control myself and actually began to see life behind this CRT. Indeed, LCD wasn't as popular as now.

As for that doctor, I guess some of us had the same experience. Well, I loved this doctor so much for his sarcastic comments. I spent almost 10 hours/day consecutively to watch some episodes. I don't really get why I torture myself by feeling excited everytime he said something mean. But true. Mostly. But anyway, I loved him then and I like him just now.

And recently, this cyber communication between two or more perfect strangers dragged me back to its world. Disaster. I realized tonight that I am addicted till I couldn't sleep before 4 am just because my brain and body start to get used to the timezone differences between thi(e)s(e) "stranger(s)" and me. I need to stop. It used to be impersonal but after a month, I must admit that these perfect strangers aren't perfect anymore. They're not even strangers anymore. And this melancholic state of feeling starts to feel attached to them. The feeling that they are part of my life starts to be built from long long conversation we had. I need to stop. Yes, I know I said it already but we all know that repetition of words mean something, don't we? I feel quite fragile in this kind of situation. I might be exagerating this moment of my life but well, I am. What can I say?

This reflection or contemplation could lead to another thoughts. But for now, those are things I wanted to say. For now.

Printemps des poètes

Today I read on Direct Matin, parisian free-journal, about the annual event "Printemps des poètes", Spring of poets in english. This year they celebrate their 13th edition. The agenda is quite interesting. I'm thinking of assisting few of them. I think I will post a message on this event later on.

Right now I'm in my university library, late for my first class, I have to wait for another 30 minutes for my second class. So, I profit this time to write a bit, accompanied by an old man who is sitting two meters away from me, reading his book and at the same time mumbling and growling.

Today's weather is awesome. Sunny with breeze. PERFECT.

My next class is on Poetry and The Commune of Paris (1871). I missed the previous class since I had had to settle few stuff. Need to borrow some notes from friends.

This semester would be very crazy. I have 9 classes. This will be my last semester. Frustating and at the same time exciting.